Single, Sixty and Starting Over

Single Life

Dating at sixty; the fears, the funny and the facts of dating at 60 years of age are some of the things that I want to share with you in my blog.

Dating doesn’t always seem like fun but daunting! Online apps are more like a necessary evil to meet someone in today’s world instead of a fun, fast path to meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right!

I laugh at the experiences because, well…you just can’t make that kind of stuff up. For example, I met a handsome man online We had wonderful conversations on the phone and decided to meet. He lived three hours away but said he didn’t mind the drive. We got along great and there was chemistry between us! He said he was interested in pursuing a relationship with me. On a phone conversation, he said, “since we live so far apart, why don’t you come to my farm and stay a week to see if we have a connection!” He assured me I would have my own sleeping quarters. Of course, I declined his offer! No second date for us! This is one of many stories I’ve accumulated over the years!

Loneliness

The loneliness feels overwhelming at times. That drives me though, to keep searching for my Prince Charming! I know he’s out there somewhere! I never thought I would be single at this age and living alone but here I am. I’ve been single for seven years. How can it be seven years? I’m not giving up on meeting someone great. I’m not going to be with just anyone for the sake of not being alone. Sometimes, there’s worse things than being alone. I’ll keep a positive attitude about meeting someone special.

Could it be men my age are so hurt or damaged from past heartbreak and divorces that they have a guard up so high that no one can get to their hearts? Could it be that I have done the same? As I’m writing this, the thought that I might need professional help came to me! Maye a dating coach!

Tragedy

For you to understand just how remarkable my new beginning and starting over in a new city is, you should know where I came from and my life before.

In 2016, my son Ryan’s health due to Cystic Fibrosis took a drastic turn for the worse. His nurse told me that the bacteria and fungus infections in his lungs would be game changers. She was not wrong. The last six months of his life, Ryan was in the hospital every month and sometimes for a month at a time.

Ryan, a 5’2″ man always seemed to have a smile on his face despite his health issues. He was diagnosed with the genetic disease at age 3 months after having symptom after symptom of CF after birth. He was not a stranger to frequent doctor’s visits; hospital stays where IVs and many needle sticks were a common part of his life.

Cystic Fibrosis

Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited life-threatening disease that damages the lungs and digestive systems. CF affects the cells that produce mucus, sweat and digestive juices causing them to become thick and sticky. They then plug up tubes, ducts and passageways causing repeated lung infections, inability to gain weight and thrive. The life expectancy was 18 years of age when Ryan was born. I remember being devastated at this news. Later, because of improved treatments , the age increased to 36. Today, the median life expectancy for people with CF is in the mid-50s.

Ryan suffered from pain due to the effects of Cystic Fibrosis. He was prescribed opiates to subside it. He eventually became addicted to the drug which led to a heroin addiction. Ryan hated it but he couldn’t overcome it on his own. He admitted himself to a treatment center. There his health declined. He returned home without completing the program. We continued to fight the addiction with the help of doctors and with faith.

After coming off life-support in the hospital, Ryan shouted, “Mom, Mom, It’s gone! It’s gone!” I replied with an anxious, “what Ryan!” He said, “Usually when I wake up, I crave opiates first thing! It’s gone! I know it’s by the grace of God that He took it from me!” He was so excited and happy! He told me that he wanted to have a ministry to tell as many people as he can that there’s a better way to live and that’s through Jesus Christ! Ryan passed away before he could see his dream come to fruition. Ryan lost his battle to CF on May 7, 2017 at age 31.

Heartbreak

My husband of 21 years left two weeks after Ryan passed away. He said, “I don’t want this lifestyle anymore and I don’t want to be married anymore.” He then walked out the door leaving me standing there feeling as if I had been gut-punched. Finally, after being frozen for a couple of minutes, I sat down. Most of the next hours and days are a blur. It dawned on me that I had to sell our expensive house. I’ve never been on my own. House hunting was intimidating. I purchased a fixer-upper. So much happened in a short time, it left my head spinning. Within two months, I lost my precious son, divorced, sold a house and bought and remodeled a house. Then I was left with the hard part, living alone and grieving. It was extremely hard.

Grief

I prayed and asked God to help me walk through this brutal journey as a grieving parent alone. Grief paralyzed me. I love Ryan very much and I grieved very hard. Thank God I had great friends and family that supported me with patience, kindness and love. I went to support groups, doctors and counseling.

Hair Loss

My hair started thinning and falling out. I was diagnosed with Alopecia, an autoimmune disorder triggered by stress. The hair loss caused more stress! I finally bought “helper hair”, a phrase I prefer over wig! This affected my self-confidence on dates. When and how should I tell a date that I wear “helper hair”? I told a man on a date once that I had helper hair and he asked me if he could touch it. He petted my hair! I felt like moving my leg real fast like a dog does when you pet them! I had several first dates and only a few second dates. I eventually got weary of the ups and downs of dating. I found myself swiping left (no) on dating profile more than sending a like. I’ve only had a half of a dozen dates in the last five years by my choice. It’s time to change that and move forward! I finally feel I’m emotionally ready to be involved in a relationship. And I’m accustomed and more confident in wearing wigs.

Mending

The sixth year after my son passed away was my strongest year. I put together a festival in Ryan’s memory. The festival was called Ryan Fest. The sister duo, RENEE was our headliner. Several in the audience raised their hands to receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Ryan’s dream came true! It was fulfilling to do this last thing for my son! The proceeds from the event were donated to a local homeless shelter.

Single and Sixty

On my birthday, I turned sixty years old! I was born and raised and lived my whole life in the same Southern Illinois County. I felt life was as good as it gets there. I had given 60 years of my life to that area. It was time for a change! I decided to make a big move to Florida to pursue a fresh start. I found a lovely apartment in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida on the beautiful Emerald Coast. It was so much fun decorating it, turning it into my beach home. I’m loving it here so far! There’s so much to do from shopping, restaurants and live music and more! I frequent the beautiful white sand beaches as much as I can! I love the friendly Florida vibe. Here’s to many new and exciting adventures!

Starting Over

My goal is to be happy and to be content even if it is alone. However, I would prefer to spend the rest of my life with someone special. That’s not too much to ask, right? I invite you to follow my journey in my new city! I expect to laugh, cry and laugh some more! Here’s to a fresh start and making the best of it!

Follow Your Heart

If you feel you need a fresh start, I encourage you to do it. It just might be the best thing you ever do! Don’t listen to the nay-sayers! Follow your heart and go for your dreams! If I can do it, anyone can!